hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
