Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
