Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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