evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
