can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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