Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
