This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
