You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
