You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
