We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
