Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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