My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
