When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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