I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
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he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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