if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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