I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
