He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
