Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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