Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
