420 ftw
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
