my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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