I seem to have left my pride at pride
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
