I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drive I can fine osifer
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
