Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize