I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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