found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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