Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
