Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
