He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
