she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize