If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my being single is dangerous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
