Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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