I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
