i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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