Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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