If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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