So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
