we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
