I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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