Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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