nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
