I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
