Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
