I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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