I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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