You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
