Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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