Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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