You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
