I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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