Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
