Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
