i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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