Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think a kid would responsible me up
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.