just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."