u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.