I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
