He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
