he puts the penis in happiness.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
