Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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