if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can text with my tongue
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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