I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
