Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
