You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
