Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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