Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
