sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love having hate sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
