god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
