So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
