Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
