i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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